Jewelry Box

Let's take a trip down memory lane. Well, you are getting my memories obviously.

Christmas 2004, San Diego, CA

Both of my sisters live in San Diego. The middle sister's in-law's are mostly up in the L.A. area. They are Catholic (I love me some Catholics) and always spend Christmas at my brother-in-laws father's house. This year was no exception.

We drove up to Redondo Beach on Christmas Eve. Time spent with this family is always a guaranteed good time. Someone will more than likely get really drunk and do something or say something stupid. This year was no exception.

So it's me, my sister, her sister-in-law, and the sister-in-law's mother. We are sitting out on the patio drinking Chardonnay and enjoying the weather. Mind you, this sister-in-law is already known as the "wild one" and is always inserting foot into mouth, or just being obnoxious in general, she actually makes me look tame.

But, it was her mother that really gave it her all this particular year. So we are chit chatting and the SIA (sister-in-law, as I'm tired of typing that out) asks her mother to tell us about her recent hospital woes.

So she does. Mind you, this woman is easily in her 70's, cute little frail woman, nicely dressed with her old lady jewelry just a shinin. What came out of her mouth next is something I never in a million years could DREAM to make up, so I am swearing to you all now, this is true.

She got an infection in her hand and had to have 3 of her fingers removed. As you can imagine, this was pretty traumatic, and the SIA's mom was not happy about it at all. She ended up having to stay in a hospice type facility as she needed constant care. Apparently she's heard horror stories about staff at these places and decides to take matters into her own hands.

She's got some nice jewelry, she shows us, let's us see it up close and personal. A diamond ring that's been in her family for years, yada, yada, yada. She then proceeds to tell us how she took off all her jewelry and puts it in her "vagina" so that the staff could not steal it from her. Yes, she said vagina, no joke. She did not remove the jewelry until she was out of the hospital and knew it was safe.

Brings a whole new meaning to Jewelry Box doesn't it?

Yeah, I believe I started choking on the Chardonnay I had to my lips, as I certainly did not expect those words to come from her mouth. Yeah, she really did it. She put her goods into her goods for protection!

Thought you all would find that amusing. I know I still chuckle about it all the time.