Toe Woes

So this blog began in a Word Document. Last night, I tried to write this damned thing twice, and Blogger failed miserably, damn thing crashed out on me! My buddy Tavis in Jersey came up with the brilliant idea to type it in Word first, and then copy. What a smart guy eh?

So, let me start by telling you that I HATE feet with a passion. I mean I really dislike feet, even my own. Surprised I have been able to stomach pedicures. I don’t watch what they do usually, cuz it’ll just gross me out. My phobia comes from my father. As a small child he stepped on a rusty nail and actually got tetanus, I know, amazing, someone actually got it. We’ve been given the damned shots all our lives, there’s a good reason folks. Anyway, the outcome of this is that his toenails are totally funky. They are about ½ inch thick, and are yellow and layers can literally flake off from them. They are that thick! As a child, I remember my father cutting his toenails in his recliner with his pocketknife. Yes, he had to use a pocketknife, as regular toenail clippers just wouldn’t do the trick. It apparently screwed me up for life.

Let me also state that I realize I need a pedicure badly. My feet have been primarily in my Uggs for the last 4 months, so there was no real need to keep them up as I do in the summer. In the flip-flop season, I get my pedicures very regularly, about every 3 weeks, so give me some slack, I spend a lot of money to keep them looking as good as possible, but it just became nice. Was planning on going this weekend, but in light of my recent toe woes, it ain’t happening. I am not going to let those crazy Asian bitches touch my toe, as I believe it to be broken.

On to how this occurred…

So Tuesday night I came home, ready to put together my doggy crate. But first I needed to make room in my closet for the beanbag chair that is in my office, because that’s where Ms. Blanca will be residing while I am at work. Tile in the office, safer that way. I’d be very upset to come home and my beautiful hardwoods were soiled…plus I think my landlord would be too, and I’d probably have to pay to fix them.

Being the anal-retentive creature that I am, I realized that my closet floor was filthy, that I needed to pull everything out of it, so that I could sweep and mop. Upon beginning this task, I realized that I had a bunch of shoes that I hadn’t put on my feet in well over 3 years, so decided to bag them up and donate to the needy, which led to my dresser. Well, I never get into the bottom drawer of my dresser; because it’s full of old concert t-shirts that I can’t seem to part with and other random clothing items. I knew there were a bunch of t-shirts I was willing to part with, so here we go….

Since I never open the bottom drawer, but get into the one above it almost daily, I assumed it had the same affliction as the top, and the top sticks and is kind of hard to open. Nope, bottom drawer must’ve WD-40’ed itself, as it came flying out and smack dab right onto my big toe. I have never screamed so loud in my entire life. Glad the neighbors weren’t home at the time, they probably would have thought someone was killing me (or me killing someone else, does it matter?). Since we are on day 2 of this, I am glad to say that I don’t believe I will have the problems that Jodi and Sue do, it hit far enough back that my toenail is probably safe from falling off. Thank god, cuz that’s pretty gnarly! Sorry ladies, but toes just gross me out, and knowing that you both have missing toeanails, well it’s a small issue for me!

So the picture doesn’t really look too bad, but just take note in the fact that I’m posting a picture of my foot, this is a big step in my toe phobia recovery. Not sure if I can fully ever get over it, but you’ve got to start somewhere right? If it worsens or grows, I will be sure to post another photo. I am also saying today, that my blog needs more pictures, I am going to try and post a picture every time I blog. It could be old school pics of some of you from the past; it could be completely random, like my toilet seat. Oh, I like that, toilet seat shots, promise no turd shots, that’s just gross. You get my point. I am going to try and make my blog a more colorful place.