Dating...

Yeah, like the title doesn't say it all, right? It's awful! I hate it! Well, I say I hate it, but it's hard to hate something you don't do.

Well, to give you some background on me, for those few of you who read my blog that don't actually know me....I'm 30, I'm single and it sucks. Almost got married once, a little over two years ago. He broke it off, he ended up marrying his mistress. Yeah, so needless to say, I haven't been too keen on meeting any new boys, the last one turned out to be a complete failure. Plus, I have learned a lot about myself in the last few years. I have a bit more clarity into what kind of man would suit me. At this point, I'm pretty damned certain he doesn't exist. I'm a total pain in the ass! (at least I know it, right?)

So I have been a member of match.com for quite a while. I've gone on one date from it. He was a really nice guy, different time in my life, maybe I'd have given the poor fella more than one date. Nothing really wrong with him, just felt no sexual chemistry, so figured, why bother, let the guy move on.

My philosophy is rather simple when it comes to finding a mate for myself. If there is anything that I feel "off" about him, that's it, no more, nothing, it's over. Why bother wasting my time or his, right? Well, I think I should revise it. I'm not letting any of these poor suckers have a chance! Worst case scenario, I got out on 2 or 3 more dates, and it doesn't pan into more, at least I've gotten some free meals out of it!

So with the current house hunting going on, I've realized I'm going to have to change a lot about my lifestyle to be able to afford a home. One of them being, quit spending so much money on going out to dinner and to the bar. My solution? Start dating! So this should be fun.

I hate dates with strangers. Because let's face it, that's what they are. At least with the online thing, you get a bit of a background and some pics, so it's not a blind date, but still just as excrutiating for me. Dating is so awful. You are totally not yourself. Case and point, me! I wear makeup and get dressed up for dates. That's not really me, I don't particularly care for makeup at all, it's kind of gross when you think about it (think about it) and as far as clothes, my favorite outfit is a t-shirt and one of my 12 pairs of pajama bottoms, my ex used to call it "my uniform" and it's true. When I'm at home, the first thing I do when I walk in the door is change into that, and of course rip off my bra as quick as humanly possible. Do I go out in public like that, no, but I would if my boobies weren't so big. These girls gotta be holstered, I could inflict some serious harm to someone without the over the shoulder.....

I smile a lot on dates. I am so not a smiler, never have been. My cheeks are usually hurting by the end of the night from the strain of my face being in a contorted, abnormal way. I laugh at things he might say, even I don't think they are funny, but know he was trying to be. The real Shawna would call him out on it, and say something like, yeah, no so much or something like that.

Then why not just be yourself Shawna, you are asking yourself?

Simple, I wouldn't even have to worry about saying yes or no to a second date, because he wouldn't ask! The real Shawna is kind of annoying. I know this about myself, and try not to be, but I think that's just who I am. How am I annoying? Well, I say mean things, like telling him his joke wasn't funny, I swear WAY too much, I smoke, so if we are drinking, there will be smoking whether he likes it or not, oh, and I tend to over drink (haha, I know you are all laughing there) on dates, because of the nerves, so then drunk Shawna might come out. End of story.

Man, I need to work on me, re-reading why I'm annoying, just annoyed me! HAHAHA

So on my match profile, I am pretty damned honest, I say I'm overly assertive, too aggressive and I intimidate most men, so I feel the ones who are actually emailing me, like an annoying bitch, it's what they get right? Too bad most of them are my father's age.....SO GROSS! I guess they are too old to see the part of my profile where I'm looking for men between the ages of 25-45, or they just don't care, who knows.

Sidebar: I figure 5 years younger could be fun, and 15 years older is my max, to explain my age limitations.

So let the dating adventures begin, if I can. I'll keep you posted.