Worms, Poop, and the comeback of The Wenis (and oh so much more!)

Extremely productive Saturday for me today, I got a lot accomplished! I'm gonna list them, and not discuss them, because I feel the list will do the talking!

1. Got up at 8:30am

2. Was not hung over at all (not drinking is kinda rad)

3. Dad came over

4. Walked around the house, discussing the items of repair

5. Installed ceiling fan

6. Went to breakfast, then Home Depot for supplies

7. Installed a new pump & valve on the hallway toilet

8. Installed a clothing dowel in the guest bedroom (it did not have one at all)

9. Fixed weed eater by Dad teaching me how to thread it properly

10. Cleaned most of the windowsills in the house

11. Dusted off every fan (I now have 4) and cleaned light fixtures on them

12. Swept living room and kitchen floors

13. Mopped the kitchen floor

14. Started laundry (3 loads total, not going to list them all, then I might look like a showoff!)

15. Cleaned shower and tub with Simple Green

16. Vacuumed both bedrooms, the office and the hallway

17. Extermigator showed up (I'll explain later)

18. IM'ed with "D" (more to come)

19. Took shower

20. Began this blog

Wow, I am totally impressed with myself, who the fuck cares if it impresses you! I haven't been this productive in MONTHS! It's raining again, so I'm just going to stay in again and probably play Spades online (and old obsession now returned, that'll be a blog soon as well) and possibly watch something that I had recorded. Who knows, the night's still young.

In the spirit of what I thought was one of the most hilarious of all time, I have another addition for you tonight folks (yep, this is a long-ass blog) brought to you by yours truly and the infamous "D"! It's really long, but hey, don't read it if you don't wanna, it's a free country!

Me: sorry, exterminator showed up
"D": cool
Me: yeah, I'm pretty sure he's gay, isn't that odd? a gay exterminator? you think a gay man would think bugs are "oogy" ahhaha
Me: dude, he's all spraying all the way up to the roof and in the trees! totally kick fucking ASS
"D": sweet
Me: but this spray is making me sneeze like crazy
Me: wonder if it'll get me high, or just poison me! hahaha
"D": hehe
Me: I'm gonna ask him once he's done

"D": good idea
Me: yeah, better safe than poisoned! haha
"D": no shit
Me: kill those mother fuckin' worms!!! wooo hoooo
Me: even my dad was surprised at the multitude of them
"D": yeah stupid gay worms! oh, sorry Mr exterminator, no offense
Me: HA, nice!
"D": I wonder if he "likes" worms
Me: gettin' to the wenis portion of the joking
"D": wenis?
"D": is that a worm-penis
Me: yeah, betheboy used wenis the other day on his blog and i thot it was hilarious
Me: no, but THAT is fucking hilarious! worm-penis = wenis
"D": I'd keep an eye on that guy, make sure he isn't molesting the worms
Me: i do think I've got a little "herd" of garden snakes tho, bet he'd be more than happy to wrangle him some snakes
"D": I'm sure he knows just what to do with the snake
Me: bet the worms would like it, even if he accidentally tears one in 1/2, they regenerate, it's all good
Me: I've got some lizards back there too
"D": bonus, then you really could "tear that shit up"...
Me: they are albino, get a herd of them every year, but they are cool
"D": albino? you got some KKK lizards in your backyard?
Me: we are in the south
Me: but I'm in mexi-ville, do KKK hate the mexi's too?
"D": hence why they're always hiding
"D":oh sure, they're equal opportunity haters
Me: oh, they are way too outnumbered in these parts
"D": yep, even with regeneration
Me: i guess Mexicans would have a menis?
"D": no it's called an enchilada
Me: nah, i see it more as a tamale or a flauta
"D": not an inch-ilada though
Me: enchiladas are too soft
Me: haha, inchilada
Me: yeah, it's the bug chemicals
"D": they're turning you gay!
Me: i didn't fuck around and get organic, i know my neighbor is probably at his window hanging his head in shame
Me: and possibly horror
Me: i might need to ask for my key back
"D": yeah? whys that?
Me: well, ya know how activists can get, look at PETA for god's sake
"D": so you think they'll kidnap me to get my key?
Me: he could come in and dump a bag of organic manure (is that redundant?) in my living room or bed or something

Me: like the horse head in The Godfather
"D": I want to know Inorganic manure would be???
"D": Robot shit?
Me: nice, always good to throw in robot references, betheboy loves that shit
"D": Is it like a pile of wires and circuits?
Me: maybe some oil
Me: anti-freeze
Me: no one likes a cold robot
"D": no that would be robot diarrhea
Me: well yeah, maybe, it could be a mixture between the two, there are all kindsa poop types you know

Me: the corn poop
Me: the never ending wipe poop
Me: the ghost poop (can't find it in the toilet or on toilet paper)
Me: there's a poster of em all somewhere, or something, i saw it on the "Internets"
"D": nice, we'll have to get it for the studio
Me: um, i dunno if I'd want poop on my wall necessarily
Me: figuratively of course
"D": well, art is art
Me: unless we had kids on accident, then we really could possibly have poop on our walls
Me: i can tell ya i ain't cleaning that SHIT (pun intended) up
"D": Okay that's it, now I want kids!!!
"D": The shit on the walls did it for me...
Me: so you can have poop art, or so we could argue about who's cleaning the shit that time?
Me: you know poop smells right?
"D": for how long?
Me: would you spray some sort of lacquer or something on it, to preserve it?
"D": Brilliant! We'll stain the poop!!!!
Me: and them put a frame around it? not necessarily w/a piece of glass or anything
Me: why'd you stain poop? stain is generally brown, like poop, you could SPRAY paint poop
"D": POOP SPRAY!!!!! INGENIOUS!!!!
Me: no, it's not, there was a movie w/ben stiller & jack black
"D": That was Va-POO-Rize
Me: yeah, that's it, haha
"D": Yeah, this is like spray paint but for Poop Art, I just coined that term....
"D": We're going to patent this
Me: anyway, need to go check on gay exterminator, make sure my worms aren't humped to death
"D": poor gay worms....
Me: they could be underage too, i mean, who knows a worms age? fucking gay worm molester
"D": word
"D": I mean worm
Me: oh and "extermigator" (yep, that's what i thot of when i was talking to him) thought my house was "so cute, i just love it so much!"
"D": haha
"Me: extermigator...rad, maybe I am high...