Worms, Poop, and the comeback of The Wenis (and oh so much more!)

Extremely productive Saturday for me today, I got a lot accomplished! I'm gonna list them, and not discuss them, because I feel the list will do the talking!

1. Got up at 8:30am

2. Was not hung over at all (not drinking is kinda rad)

3. Dad came over

4. Walked around the house, discussing the items of repair

5. Installed ceiling fan

6. Went to breakfast, then Home Depot for supplies

7. Installed a new pump & valve on the hallway toilet

8. Installed a clothing dowel in the guest bedroom (it did not have one at all)

9. Fixed weed eater by Dad teaching me how to thread it properly

10. Cleaned most of the windowsills in the house

11. Dusted off every fan (I now have 4) and cleaned light fixtures on them

12. Swept living room and kitchen floors

13. Mopped the kitchen floor

14. Started laundry (3 loads total, not going to list them all, then I might look like a showoff!)

15. Cleaned shower and tub with Simple Green

16. Vacuumed both bedrooms, the office and the hallway

17. Extermigator showed up (I'll explain later)

18. IM'ed with "D" (more to come)

19. Took shower

20. Began this blog

Wow, I am totally impressed with myself, who the fuck cares if it impresses you! I haven't been this productive in MONTHS! It's raining again, so I'm just going to stay in again and probably play Spades online (and old obsession now returned, that'll be a blog soon as well) and possibly watch something that I had recorded. Who knows, the night's still young.

In the spirit of what I thought was one of the most hilarious of all time, I have another addition for you tonight folks (yep, this is a long-ass blog) brought to you by yours truly and the infamous "D"! It's really long, but hey, don't read it if you don't wanna, it's a free country!

Me: sorry, exterminator showed up
"D": cool
Me: yeah, I'm pretty sure he's gay, isn't that odd? a gay exterminator? you think a gay man would think bugs are "oogy" ahhaha
Me: dude, he's all spraying all the way up to the roof and in the trees! totally kick fucking ASS
"D": sweet
Me: but this spray is making me sneeze like crazy
Me: wonder if it'll get me high, or just poison me! hahaha
"D": hehe
Me: I'm gonna ask him once he's done

"D": good idea
Me: yeah, better safe than poisoned! haha
"D": no shit
Me: kill those mother fuckin' worms!!! wooo hoooo
Me: even my dad was surprised at the multitude of them
"D": yeah stupid gay worms! oh, sorry Mr exterminator, no offense
Me: HA, nice!
"D": I wonder if he "likes" worms
Me: gettin' to the wenis portion of the joking
"D": wenis?
"D": is that a worm-penis
Me: yeah, betheboy used wenis the other day on his blog and i thot it was hilarious
Me: no, but THAT is fucking hilarious! worm-penis = wenis
"D": I'd keep an eye on that guy, make sure he isn't molesting the worms
Me: i do think I've got a little "herd" of garden snakes tho, bet he'd be more than happy to wrangle him some snakes
"D": I'm sure he knows just what to do with the snake
Me: bet the worms would like it, even if he accidentally tears one in 1/2, they regenerate, it's all good
Me: I've got some lizards back there too
"D": bonus, then you really could "tear that shit up"...
Me: they are albino, get a herd of them every year, but they are cool
"D": albino? you got some KKK lizards in your backyard?
Me: we are in the south
Me: but I'm in mexi-ville, do KKK hate the mexi's too?
"D": hence why they're always hiding
"D":oh sure, they're equal opportunity haters
Me: oh, they are way too outnumbered in these parts
"D": yep, even with regeneration
Me: i guess Mexicans would have a menis?
"D": no it's called an enchilada
Me: nah, i see it more as a tamale or a flauta
"D": not an inch-ilada though
Me: enchiladas are too soft
Me: haha, inchilada
Me: yeah, it's the bug chemicals
"D": they're turning you gay!
Me: i didn't fuck around and get organic, i know my neighbor is probably at his window hanging his head in shame
Me: and possibly horror
Me: i might need to ask for my key back
"D": yeah? whys that?
Me: well, ya know how activists can get, look at PETA for god's sake
"D": so you think they'll kidnap me to get my key?
Me: he could come in and dump a bag of organic manure (is that redundant?) in my living room or bed or something

Me: like the horse head in The Godfather
"D": I want to know Inorganic manure would be???
"D": Robot shit?
Me: nice, always good to throw in robot references, betheboy loves that shit
"D": Is it like a pile of wires and circuits?
Me: maybe some oil
Me: anti-freeze
Me: no one likes a cold robot
"D": no that would be robot diarrhea
Me: well yeah, maybe, it could be a mixture between the two, there are all kindsa poop types you know

Me: the corn poop
Me: the never ending wipe poop
Me: the ghost poop (can't find it in the toilet or on toilet paper)
Me: there's a poster of em all somewhere, or something, i saw it on the "Internets"
"D": nice, we'll have to get it for the studio
Me: um, i dunno if I'd want poop on my wall necessarily
Me: figuratively of course
"D": well, art is art
Me: unless we had kids on accident, then we really could possibly have poop on our walls
Me: i can tell ya i ain't cleaning that SHIT (pun intended) up
"D": Okay that's it, now I want kids!!!
"D": The shit on the walls did it for me...
Me: so you can have poop art, or so we could argue about who's cleaning the shit that time?
Me: you know poop smells right?
"D": for how long?
Me: would you spray some sort of lacquer or something on it, to preserve it?
"D": Brilliant! We'll stain the poop!!!!
Me: and them put a frame around it? not necessarily w/a piece of glass or anything
Me: why'd you stain poop? stain is generally brown, like poop, you could SPRAY paint poop
"D": POOP SPRAY!!!!! INGENIOUS!!!!
Me: no, it's not, there was a movie w/ben stiller & jack black
"D": That was Va-POO-Rize
Me: yeah, that's it, haha
"D": Yeah, this is like spray paint but for Poop Art, I just coined that term....
"D": We're going to patent this
Me: anyway, need to go check on gay exterminator, make sure my worms aren't humped to death
"D": poor gay worms....
Me: they could be underage too, i mean, who knows a worms age? fucking gay worm molester
"D": word
"D": I mean worm
Me: oh and "extermigator" (yep, that's what i thot of when i was talking to him) thought my house was "so cute, i just love it so much!"
"D": haha
"Me: extermigator...rad, maybe I am high...

The Police recap and one legged folk

My blog today consists of an IM session I had with a friend/fellow co-worker this morning, post-Police, the first part will give you our thoughts, the second part, well, it's going to offend, like BetheBoy sometimes offends with his midget issues and talks of trannys. I really hope you enjoy, because I was laughing so hard I thought I was gonna die. This friend of mine is always crackin' jokes and such and he really made my morning just wonderful, here's to you buddy!

Him: Oh man, I'm still blown away.
Me: yeah, they fuckin' rocked!
Me: sounded fantastic
Him: totally. They still got a couple of albums in them if they chose to record.
Me: you think they will?
Him: I can only hope.
Me: i don't see it, they looked like they were having a good time, but i dunno....
Me: i thot they were just coming back for this one tour, didn't think they were "getting back together" or anything
Him: what I would be interested in having is all the stuff they laid down that never made albums. At least that would be cool. The only thing that makes me think they wouldn't do any new stuff is because Andy is an old dood.
Me: haha, yeah, he didn't stay in shape like the other two did he? hehehe
Me: OH! I'd be all over a "hidden track" album, that could be really awesome
Him: lol....nah....plus he's about 10 years older than everyone else.
Me: yeah, i had to bust out the crackberry to prove to my boyfriend that sting was in his mid fifties!
Me: wasn't sure how old he was, but that makes sense
Me: cuz he looked tired! hahaha
Him: He was born in 1942
Me: sting was born in 51 , he'll be 56 in october
Me: all that yoga and tantric sex makin' him still look good! haha
Him: yeah...He's getting up there. Stu is a bit younger than Sting even.
Me: yeah, his friggin ARMS were out of control, he looks great too
Me: i was mezmerized by his drumming...fucking unreal
Him: he's still the man.
Him: Yeah so Andy is what? 65?
Me: i know everyone say's the Rush drummer is the shizz, but I'm just not a Rush fan (most chicks aren't) so I'm all over Stu
Me: stu was born in '52, only a year younger than sting
Him: yeah...thats right. I knew he was close.
Him: Andys not too old to at least do a new studio album with them even if they didnt tour behind it.
Me: fucking weird, completely sober for the show, first show EVER to be sober! haha
Him: I had two beers. They have been my fav band since 1970-something and I didn't get to see them then so I stayed stone cold sober for it. Didnt want to miss a thing.
Me: wow, that's cool, had no idea they were your fav
Me: yeah, andy could probably do that...but if they were to tour again, dunno if he could do it, and dunno if sales would be as high w/out him
Me: that was the best part, that is WAS the original 3
Him: oh yeah....always have been so I was bummed when they broke up after Synchro because I thought I'd never see them.

So I had to set it up, so this made sense, why we went into this diatribe....this is when it gets awesome:

Me: but Paul McCartney is 65 and still touring, maybe Sting and Stewey need to get Andy in the gym w/them, buff his ass up a bit! haha
Him: lol...hell yeah! I'm starting to think Paul is going to be around forever.
Me: i think Paul might not be Paul anymore, his organs have been replaced with Robot parts
Him: heh....he has the money I am sure.
Me: yeah, and he married a chick w/no leg for a while, i'm sure she had some interesting connections! hahaha
Me: seriously, i really don't think i could have sex w/a dude with a missing leg....i think i'd laugh too much at how weird it was! hahaha
Me: and then he'd be sad
Me: and "deflated"
Him: oh god...nah...that pretty much would end the first date for me
Me: oh yeah? even tho for you it just makes for easier access? hehe
Him: lol...yeah...I dont think I could handle that.
Me: ric said he's gonna think about his stance on it....I say he'd do it....hahaha
Him: nice.
Him: He'd have a leg up on his partner.
Me: LOL
Me: seriously, out loud and LOUD
Him: definitely need someone new for the potato sack races.
Me: STOP
Me: HAHAHAHAHA
Him: Would he describe his sex life as "Half calf" then?
Me: you are SICK, i love it!
Him: Would he sing ZZ top tunes to her like "She's got leg, and she knows how to use it"?
Me: you are such a FREAK
Me: are you high right now????
Him: lol...nah....jsut woke up
Me: wow, my brain doesn't work that well this early
Him: "Knockin me out with that American thigh"
Me: i cant' stop laughing and they are about to yell at me, i know it! hehe
Him: He wouldn't spend near the money on shoes for her though.
Me: i'm actually crying i'm laughing so hard!!!!!
Him: Would she buy a pair of "Docker" or "Levi" instead of Dockers or Levis?
Him: No more long walks by the beach.
Me: you are so silly
Him: I wonder if she would be offended if he bought her some Legos
Me: just choked on coffee on that one
Him: Tell Ric that his "girlfriend" would die because her parachute pants would fail.
Me: ok, i have a blog, and i'm totally putting his convo on today's post, no joke, this is too fucking hilarious
Me: i'm sure it will offend, which is even BETTER!
Him: F em.
Me: oh, my blog offends people all the time, i love it!
Him: thats greatness.

Is that bacon I smell?

Short post, sorry, but gotta get ready.

Going to see The Police tonight. Yes, the one and only! So excited! This is pretty much a once in a lifetime experience hopefully (if they tour again, I will forever say they suck major cock) and I'm so glad I get to see them. Sting's son's band will be the opening act, if we miss a little of that, I don't really care. I'm there for one reason only!

It's at a huge arena, which I'm not real keen on, but it's the Mother Fucking POLICE, so I don't give a DAMN! Sound quality usually sucks balls at these kinds of shows, that's my point.

Could I cuss some more in this post?

Ta Da!

Sorry I haven't been posting. I think I might be back, now that some things have calmed to a normal pace. Writer’s block? If you want to consider a blogger a writer, which I suppose I do. Some are better than others for sure, but I do think that. I guess I’ll just do some brief synopsis of each thing that has been going on with me, otherwise this would be about 40 pages long. The thought of reading that makes ME yawn, and it’s me I’m talking about!

Things with "D" are still great! We decided to be honest to goodness "boyfriend/girlfriend" exactly 2 months ago today. Yes, we told eachother happy anniversary, but we are not so gay that we are like celebrating or anything crazy. We spend lots of time together and generally have a great time. I met his inner circle of friends for the first time on Saturday night and they are all great! Small world, one of the girls I actually went to high school with, when I went to high school in Waxahachie. No, we didn’t really hang in the same crowd, but we definitely knew who eachother were! Too funny! He mowed my yard yesterday while I cut back bushes and things, man, that was awesome, because those bushes and things would not have been cut back if he weren’t there, and they really, really had needed to be for quite some time! He just told me on IM that he really enjoyed it! Sucker! Now he’s REALLY in it for the long-haul, you think I’m doing my yard without him around again? Heck no!

I had been smoke free since June 15th before this weekend. I cheated on Friday and Saturday nights (I know, I know) but I’m back on track. I just need to stay away from alcohol, that screws it all up. I’m not really even sure why I drank, as I knew it would create a problem, as my "crazy" medication makes drinking not so much fun anymore, so I really haven’t been drinking anyway. I know, so weird, no smoking/drinking Shawna? She’s not bad, and she can drive YOUR drunk ass home! I definitely drove "D"s drunk ass home on Saturday! Hahaha I actually managed to get a buzz on Friday, but threw up when I got home. What happens when I drink on the meds is that I can drink and drink and drink, not catch a buzz, but puke pretty badly. Yeah, not so much fun, so decided just not to drink! On Saturday I had 2 beers and that was it. I know, at a party with a bunch of people I don’t know, and I stayed sober. Crazy! I guess I really am growing up. Weird.

My girl Jodi will be back in the South very, very soon. Let’s see, I think they arrive in Shreveport on the 1st of July, so 6 days from now! "D" and I will be going the 6th-9th to see my girl, the new house and all of that stuff! Oh, and of course Troy! I am super excited to have her only a 3 hour drive away. I think I’m going to become extremely familiar with Interstate 20. When they were out in February, they bought some really nice leather chairs, they’ve been at my house since, so "D" and I will be delivering their lovely new chairs to them too!

Next weekend (weather dependant, as Texas is now the new Oregon/Washington) as it’s STILL raining here I plan to cut back the big trees in my yard with "D", Colleen, Scott and my Dad. We had a week or so of dry, but there’s rain in the forecast for the next 9 days! I’ve got a ton of trees and they should have been done last year when I moved in, but we all know how that goes. Well, it’s reached critical importance as trees are starting to intertwine into eachother and hit power-lines and my roof and all that fun stuff. I have a feeling the limbs and stuff are going to be so high it will be like a fence in front of my house when we are done! Should be a ton of fun, and I know I’ll be sore as hell on Monday from it! The yard work from yesterday as rendered my arms and the back of my thighs sore as shit today. But, it’s a great workout!

Since TV really does suck right now, I have finally emptied my camera so I can start taking pics for every post. I can take some pics of the house and such, now that it has furniture in it. Although, it really needs a good cleaning, so I might scratch that until I get the motivation to do a good cleaning. Maybe not, who knows. They of course will be nowhere as amazing as Iamnot’s work, as I am no photographer! I really want to do the whole before and after action for all the home improvement stuff I plan to do. The tree’s will probably be an interesting shot. That is, if I remember to take the before! Hahaha If nothing else, I know I’ll take a shot of the impressive stack of tree debri that will be in front of my house for the bulk trash folks to pick up!

Oh, I also have a little baby iPod now, "D" bought it for me. It’s the smallest one I’ve ever seen, it’s so cute! It’s for working out and such, you clip it on your shirt or whatever, think it’s a Gig, so it’ll hold about 250 songs, not bad! I need to get going on actually plugging it into my computer and making use of the damned thing. I’ve wanted one forever, now that I’ve got one, it just sits on my dining room table in it’s box. I have no idea what my deal is, but my motivation is for shit right now. I think the only reason I actually did cut down the bushes and such yesterday is that I would have felt guilty "D" out there all sweatin’ it up and me sitting inside in the cool AC! I did do a shitton of laundry yesterday too, and unloaded the dishwash and went to Home Depot (god I love that place)!

I’ll be headed to Chicago at the end of July for this event. It will be my first tradeshow in this industry, so it should be interesting to see what it’s like. I wonder if anyone will come dressed up in their geek gear? We don’t have a booth this year, but SL’s agency gal (and also pal) will be there with me, so she and I can brainstorm and decide how to "wow" them next year! This will be my first booth to get to actually have SAY in what it is, rather than just producing what they want, so I’m excited about that! Already have some ideas brewing as a matter of fact. I always had thoughs and views about my last place of employment and what they did, although never said anything (to their faces anyway). Actually when SL’s agency became the last jobs agency (through me of course) our tradeshow booth was actually something I was proud of! Imagine that! We are going out early, to have a little fun, I’ve never been to Chi-Town so I’m really excited. We are going to a Cub’s game on the Sunday we are there. I really don’t care about baseball (my least fav major sporting event) but it’s Wrigley Field…it’s an American Institution!

Guess that's about it for now, a lot of other stuff is going on in my life too (no, I'm not pregnant) but I'll leave some stuff out, so I'll have something to blog about tomorrow and the day after that!

Here's a pic from last summer, I fostered Petey, I'm sure I talked about him, but don't remember posting pics. If I weren't lazy, I'd go check if I had talked about him, but whatever. Hell, I might have even posted this pic! hahaha



Edit: didn't blog when I had Petey, fostered him last summer, he was about 10 years old, Georgie and Petey were buddies, but Petey was a barker when outside and also was crate trained and it was hard, I'll do a story about Petey, in his honor! He's not dead or anything, just got adopted! Georgie is the one "hogging" the picture, Petey is probably passed out like that from Georgie terrorizing him! hahaha

Shawna has not been blogging because...

Essay time...you finish the story, tell me why I haven't been blogging, be creative, maybe I'll send someone a prize! Here are just a few guidelines to get you started:

1. Must be longer than a sentence, a paragraph or two will suffice!

2. Feel free to say whatever you want, use whatever language you want (as you've noticed I do) and remember, I moderate comments, so I can delete it if it sucks!


Shawna has not been blogging because...

Seriously...I'm a freak!

So I just got done mowing my front and back yard and I was thinking to myself, man, I am so cheap! Let me explain.

I can drop cash on things like a bar tab, going to a nice restaurant, silly things for myself or my friends/loved one's. But when it comes to paying someone $50 to mow my yard, I just won't do it. Can I afford it? Absolutely I can. I just think that while I'm still capable, there is no reason for me not to do it. Other than it absolutely sucks now, because it's getting hot (90 degrees right now, at 8:45pm) and I need to lose weight and I was sweating like a pig and all hot and gross. My clothes were soaked by the time I got done, cuz the humidity here is un-fucking-believable!

I even had a maid for a while at my old place, before I bought this one. Why? I dunno, cuz I could! That was even more expensive! I've considered hiring them again, but that makes no sense! Why would I pay someone to clean my house, but not mow the yard? I mean the housekeeper is more expensive than the lawn folks! I am such a freak!

So that's my rant.

I still have yet to put my pics currently in my camera onto the computer, so I can take more, as promised, so for now I'll just steal cool images from Google, Johnny was a nice addition to my last post. Maybe I'll do something like this in a week or so, when I have to mow again!

Here's Your Fucking Post

Well, since I was called out on TWO posts from fellow friends/bloggers, I promised them I would post. So Dave and Suz, I really hope you two enjoy this, because it's all for you!

I was driving home thinking about what I would blog about and I came up with a whole lotta nothin. Not to say things haven't been going on, I just really have had no desire to spill it like I normally do. Not sure why. Feeling all private and no one can know about me or something? That doesn't sound like me at all. Who knows. So here's a recap of what's been going on.

Just got back from San Diego on Sunday. Had a great time, but it was too short and way too fast. I didn't actually get there until Thursday, as there was bad weather in Dallas on Wednesday and after about 6 hours of waiting, I just gave up and headed back home. Unbeknownst to me, the lovely ticketing agent hooked me up with first class on the way there, so that was really cool to get to experience. It's really nothing special, it's a bigger seat and they kept saying "Mrs. Furr, are you alright, can we get you anything?" always addressing me that way. Do I look like a Mrs.? No rings on EITHER of my fingers, last time I checked! But, I was happy to drink my free mimosa's (and they didn't skimp on the champagne either) and let them address me as I was a Mrs.

So I arrived and we immediately had to go to a hotel for a Senior Luncheon for my niece. She looked absolutely beautiful, just as she always does. I swear I was in an episode of The OC every time I was around my niece and her friends, no joke! They are all MODEL gorgeous kids, even most of the boys. You see, my niece has been privileged enough to attend private school all of her life, so most of her friends parents are DRIPPING with money. Not to say my sister doesn't do well in her life, because she does (shout out sis!) but compared to these kids, they might as well be flipping burgers at McDonald's.

Anyway, so the luncheon was nice, then it was home for a brief moment before we headed out for the Baccalaureate service. More of the same, lots of beautiful Catholic people in very expensive clothes and lots of jewelry! I don't think I saw one kid with bad teeth, everyone definitely had regular visits to the dentist.

Then my sister and I took my niece up to her school at 9pm, as they were getting on buses and headed to Disneyland for Senior Night. They open it to Seniors in surrounding areas and they get the run of the park until 5am. My niece said it was a nightmare, too many kids. She was only able to ride 3 rides the entire time she was there.

Friday I slept in, then took my niece to Nordstroms for the 2nd half of her graduation present, another pair of designer jeans! It's all the rage, and she already has 2 pair, so she was ready for a 3rd. Yep, 17 and is pimpin' it big time. Her "Aunt Nawna" loves to spoil her. She is truly a terrific kid/young lady. That night my sister made spaghetti for the entire family, her family, my dad and his wife, my other sister and her kids. Not too often my dad gets to sit down and eat with all 3 of his daughters, I'm sure he really enjoyed that.

Saturday was the graduation at 10am. It was fast, only an hour, which was good, my niece of course looked absolutely gorgeous as usual. She can even be beautiful in a white "sack" known as the graduation robe. After that my sister threw a small party for her, about 30 or so people I suppose. We ate, we drank, we were merry. I gave my niece the other part of her gift, that she knew about, a pretty silver Tiffany's ring that she picked out. The "ex" got me 50% off, so that was cool! That night we dropped her off for Grad Night, which the school throws for them at a Family Fun Center typo of place called Boomers! (yep, there's an exclamation point in the sign) she was there until 3am. Sunday just got up and got ready to go. Very fast and furious. And yes, I bawled at her graduation, so crazy, I can still remember the day she was born like it was just a few years ago.

Things with "D" are still kickin', he just started Summer 1 on Monday, so I won't really see much of him, he's got a pretty busy week, Sunday being the only day off from anything. I do enjoy my free time, so I really don't see it as too much of a problem, we will just have to make it a point not to forget about each other! He's a wonderful man, and I have a pretty strong feeling that I will be blogging about him for years to come. Maybe one day I'll even say his real name (even though most of you already know)!

Having a computer at home is great. In the next post, hopefully I'll have gotten motivated to put up some picks that I've taken. Oh, well, will take, as I haven't even taken old pics off of it, and onto the computer yet. I thought I'd be all over this thing once I got it, but obviously "not so much".

Hope that is good enough for now, I'm worn out!