Friday, March 16, 2007

The Single Syndrome

So I was in bed last night, having a hard time falling asleep and was thinking about how long in my life I've been single, and man, most of my life has been spent single. I wasn't sad about this, but instead, started thinking about how much this has changed the way I do daily things. How I have become so accustom to being alone, that certain things just happen, that probably wouldn't if I lived with a significant other (yes, I totally believe you have to test drive before you get married). Here's a list of the things I've thought of, that I probably wouldn't do if living with someone, and that I've pegged as:

The Single Syndrome

1. I talk to myself and/or the dog A LOT, I notice this when I do have people over, I will still talk to myself right in front of them

2. Sometimes, on the weekends, I may not talk until late into the afternoon, as I have no one to talk to, I've been caught before, someone asking "are you coming down with something, your voice sounds odd?" and my response is "nope, just the first time I've talked today, my voice hasn't warmed up yet!"

3. I don't have to share the remote with anyone, and when people are over, I tend to hold the remote, out of fear, that they will take it from me

4. The bathroom does not tend to get cleaned very often, only unless I know I'm having guests, it's just ME, why does it matter (I know, kinda gross)

5. Sometimes, for dinner, if I don't have a lot in the house, I may just eat a can of corn or something random like that

6. The sheets on the bed also don't get changed nearly as often, I'm generally clean when I get in, and there's no "other" reason to change them, the "magic" isn't happening in there

7. I will wear some rank ass shit around the house, like I have this t-shirt that has holes all in it, but is so damned comfortable, that I wear it anyway, various fat and other body parts hang out of the holes

8. I can fart whenever I want, and find it difficult to hold it back (remember, just recently in a 3 month whatever you want to call it), I never did in front of him, but would suddenly have to "go smoke" to relieve myself, hard to hold 'em in when your body has been accustom to just letting her rip! Don't get me wrong, once I am comfortable in a relationship I will fart in front of him, I'm referring to a new one

9. I really do hate makeup, but notice I really don't wear it nearly as much as when I'm with someone. People have told me I really don't need it, which is nice

10. I can lay on the couch all day long on a weekend and not shower, brush my teeth, or anything else for that matter

Those are just a few of them. I will think of more, and maybe add to this list at a later date. What are some things that you do in your single life (either past, present or future) that you probably not do when in a relationship?

3 comments:

noone said...

I have a few, seeing as how I've spent quite a bit of time single.

1. Fucking random bar sluts. Being with someone really puts a damper on fucking other people.

2. Being nice to someone. I'm so used to being an asshole, it's really difficult to switch into faking nice to someone. Even if their giving me sex.

3. Hiding my extensive porn collection. When I'm single I just leave the shit out (why should I care). When I'm seeing someone I prefer to hide it. I think it's better if I "ease" them into my perversions.

4. Drinking myself silly. Alone I can get as drunk as I want whenever I want. I usually have to moderate this when I'm seeing someone. Not only does it tend to upset them (unless they're a drunk too), but it totally undermines my ability to administer rules 1, 2, and 3.

Well that's all I can think of right now. I hope it helps shed some light on things.

-Brandon

Anonymous said...

all these reasons may be WHY you're single..something to think about?

Shawna said...

Brandon-LOVE these, I'd say I have "resembled" a few of those at one time or another.

Astute Observer-um, yeah, think you missed the point, I don't DO these things when I'm with someone, this is what you do WHEN you are single....DUH! ;)